Anonymous I'm constantly thinking about the future and it freaks me out. it affects any kinds of relationships I wish to have and my life overall. I think about wether the relationships will last or not, so if i like a guy I won't tell him, leaving me in pain. You said you learn to set yourself free... I would like to know how... I don't want to be this way anymore :(
I don’t know you personally so I could never begin to understand where exactly you’re coming from but here’s a few things that come to mind when reading this:
I have been hurt a lot, a lot a lot. Seriously, betrayed by so many people on so many levels that I was so scared and terrified of any sort of relationship. I learned to let new people in through levels/layers (think Shrek), I’m not saying test people but in a way I am. Take new relationships as slowly as you need to, let people in centimeters at a time.
Do not be concerned with how long the relationship could last, relationships can last a day to a lifetime and that’s the beauty of human interaction and the complexity of being a human. Every relationship is going to give you something new, a passing conversation with a stranger has the ability to stay with you a lifetime. This does not degrade the interaction. As for a lover relationship, if it lasts a passionate week or a memory filled lifetime both are a part of your experience.
Let go of your own expectations of relationships, you know, those Disney happily ever afters or that (awful) Twilight movie, none of that is real life. Marriage and happily ever after with someone else doesn’t have to be the goal, that is one view of relationships that every Eurocentric/Americanized perpetuates. The world is so much more complex than a nuclear family based ending. What you should be striving for is a happily ever after with yourself and if other people are there too, then fuck yes.
Life is full of pain and suffering but it is also full of happiness and love, they coexist forever and ever. You can build a strong shell around yourself and be aware of things that have caused you pain in the past, but realize that there is also the light. Have courage to experience pain and suffering as well as happiness and love. When you fight either you cause disharmony within yourself which translates towards internal discontentment and struggle with the world around you.
if you get a group of at least five people between their late teens and early/middish twenties and have one of them quote spongebob squarepants i swear to god they can kill half an hour at minimum just quoting random and often unrelated spongebob snippets back and forth at each other nigh verbatim without any other conversation, this is basically science
Edelweiss by Laura Gibson originally from The Sound of Music
I forgot about this song but it has randomly played twice over the past month. It reminds me of my great grandpa (we called him GP). I never had the chance to have a full conversation with him because he had a stroke but he is still dear to my heart. This makes me happy/sad/nostalgic.